i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
