im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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