He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
