I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
