since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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