There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
