Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
