Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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