I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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