i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
