aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
