Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
