what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
