are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
