of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
