dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
