It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
