I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
