it wasn't lemon gatorade
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All the doctor said was why
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
