carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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