I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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