my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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