i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
