He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
