What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
