my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
