It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
