i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
