he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
