You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm bleeding and have questions
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
