I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
