Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Then you guys just all showered together...?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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