The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sext me about skeletons
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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