good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
