Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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