Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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