she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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