Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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