I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
