I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
