please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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