So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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