I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
