the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i dont even know how to be here
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
