But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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