Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
