my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
two words: eviction party
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
