Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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