I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
