I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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